Start with listening to Autistic and AuDHD voices. Remember to stay curious. Some things didn’t make sense at first, but became clearer over time.

Take it slow. This process is emotionally and cognitively intense. You will get triggered. Self-soothe. Prioritize regulation. Go at your own pace and take breaks.

Don’t go it alone. Reach out to Autistic friends and find community. I started by joining a couple Facebook groups to observe, and reached out to a few friends who were open to sharing their experiences. I had two people I messaged a LOT.

Group coaching is helpful. I did two group programs—different formats (one self-paced & one live/virtual). Neither was exactly what I was looking for, but both were healing in their own ways. The live sessions were especially powerful for me. I cried the first time I heard another woman describe something similar to my own experience. (FWIW: I really wanted a small live group for late diagnosed Autistic ADHD women.)

Therapy is a powerful anchor. My therapy team (ADHD specialist) was new to Autism too, but very willing to consult and learn. My therapist held space for this exploration and referred me to other ND-affirming professionals as needed. Their gentle guidance majorly helped reduce my overwhelm.

Stay Away from ABA. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is widely criticized within the Autistic community for being compliance-based and rooted in behaviorist methods that often ignore Autistic needs and autonomy. This includes “new ABA” and other rebranded approaches (like PBS/PBIS, social skills training, or compliance-based coaching) that still prioritize conformity over autonomy. If this is new to you, I highly recommend reading this explainer from Autistic adults: https://neuroclastic.com/what-is-aba. Be ready to unlearn and rethink some traditional frameworks—it’s a process, and I’m still in the messy middle of it, myself…

Avoid Autism Speaks & Temple Grandin. Focus on resources that are created by Autistic people and are strengths-based—not on “curing” or teaching masking skills. (I haven’t written Temple Grandin off completely. But some of her beliefs are outdated, problematic, and stuck in the pathology paradigm.)

Community Membership:

Neurodivergent Insights Learning Nook

I am a founding member of the NDI Learning Nook, which was created by Dr. Megan Anna Neff. This group is AMAZING and it just keeps getting better. I joined at the clinician level (coaches and other ND providers are welcome). I love that I have access to both the clinical and non-clinical communities. There are a ton of workbooks that I am licensed to use with my clients, online courses, a monthly clinical collab, and so on. It’s worth every penny (and more).

THRIVE for Late-Diagnosed Autistic Women – Amy Richards
(Self-Study + Optional 1:1 Sessions)

The Neurodiversity Paradigm & Autistic Adults in Therapy – Katy Higgins Lee
(Self-Study + Optional CEUs)

Low Demand Parenting – Amanda Diekman
(Hybrid: Self-Study & Live Class)

The Lost Generation of Autistic Adults – Neurodivergent Insights, Dr. Megan Anna Neff
(Self-Study)

• Take what you need, leave the rest.
• The Autistic community taught me that self-diagnosis is valid (self-discovery can be powerful).
• You’re allowed to explore without arriving at a conclusion.